Providence
by Salem Merciolago
Summary: "Do you think the end of the world is coming?" Roxas lives a normal life in a normal town in a normal way. One day a man named Axel shows up on the corner of Eighth and Main with a sign proclaiming the end of world. With such a statement, Roxas finds himself drawn out of normal and into the unknown. M, AkuRoku.
1. Chapter 1

**Here we are, another songfic. I get so inspired, listening to music as I write and come up with ideas. This fic is based off of a song called Providence by Godspeed You! Black Emperor. That band is really trippy and just generally really great, and it really helped me set the mood for the fiction. Multi-chap, a bit of minor-adult relations (Roxas is like, sixteen or so at this point whereas Axel is like, twenty-three, twenty-four, so nothing crazy crazy, but I should still give warning), crazy talk, the end of the world, and one hardy giant street sign. Do enjoy.**

Providence

By: Salem Martin

It wasn't every day someone sat on the street corner and preached.

Roxas lived in a small town, where everyone knew everyone and no one was homeless and the nights were always quiet because the kids didn't care about drugs and partying. It was peaceful, but dull. It was often that Roxas found himself randomly wandering the town, aimlessly looking for purpose. The jobs offered only paid well enough to live in the town and nowhere else. Very few people who grew up in the town left the town, because most weren't crazy enough to try. Roxas wasn't crazy, but he liked to figure that one day, maybe, he'd get himself out of this thing he called everyday life.

He did much of his figuring during his morning runs. A time where it was even more quiet than daytime, but sleepier than nighttime, a sense of stillness surrounding it like pink glass in the dawn. It was the same thing every day, whether he took different routes or not. Same thoughts, same footsteps, same heartbeat. So today, he didn't expect anything different. He ran by the same houses and mailboxes and storefronts and it was the same quiet as every other day. That is, until he reached the intersection at eighth and main street, where the town's lone streetlight blinked green-yellow-red-green on its timer. Roxas slowed his steps, his breath labored, then stopped, staring at the far corner of the intersection.

A man stood there, a very large sign propped up next to him on the streetlight pole proclaiming that the end of the world was coming. Nothing else. Just the end and the world and that it was coming. It was something that Roxas had never really given much thought to, but now that he was presented with such a phrase, it gave him pause. He was given second pause as he studied the man that the sign supposedly belonged to.

The man was very tall and spindly, with girly hips and raggedy clothing that didn't do him justice. He wore a white cut-off tank top that was more dingy grey than anything else and had holes in the bottom and worn blue jeans with frayed hems. His sneakers looked like they'd seen more land than the wind and his hair was pulled back into an insane, spikey, frayed out porcupine of a ponytail, redder than the local fire engine with deeply colored roots. There was something adorning his cheekbones, but Roxas couldn't make it out from where he stood.

On that note, he decided he would go up to the man and inquire about his proclamation because, when one makes such a statement, usually one has a reason for it. Besides, now he'd get to be the first person in the know about something in town, and that would be…well, a first.

Roxas jogged over to the red-haired man, coming to a stop before him cautiously as the man chugged water from a worn out looking plastic water bottle. Green eyes slid over to survey Roxas's blue ones as the blonde panted for breath, the man's Adam's apple bobbing with each swallow. He drew the bottle away from his lips and capped it, still looking at Roxas curiously.

"Well…do you think the end of the world is coming?" The blonde asked breathlessly, trying to get his breath back. The man glanced at his sign, then at the sky, then back to the teen, and shrugged.

"Why else would I be out here, kid? Someone's gotta know and someone's gotta warn the rest of you lazy creatures hiding away in this hole of a place," the man replied. His voice was rough and not as deep as Roxas expected it to be, but it had a sensual undertone to it, like maybe this wasn't the first time this man had stood on a corner selling something. Roxas couldn't help but feel slightly offended at being called a lazy creature in a hole of a place. Hole or not, this was his home, and he had some sort of strange pride of it.

"We're not lazy," he grumbled. "And what makes you so sure of this end?"

The man leaned against the streetlight pole and smiled.

"You'll find out soon enough. I find that preaching this a few times is easier on the throat than a bunch of times. Wait til a crowd forms," he said nonchalantly. "Til then, you got a name, kid?"

Roxas huffed and leaned back to stretch his muscles out a bit. He could have sworn he saw the man eye the way his shirt rode up slightly over his stomach, but dismissed it as the redhead took the opportunity to sip more water.

"Roxas. What about you?"

The redhead capped his water and set it down on the ground carefully.

"Axel. Come back here at noon and I'll tell you all about the end of the world. If you're lucky, maybe I'll save you," he said, winking at the blonde. Roxas glared at him, confused, but turned and took up his jogging anyway. That man gave him a strange feeling, and he didn't like it.

. . .

Breakfast was its normal affair, coffee and orange juice and eggs and toast that his mother so kindly prepared every morning for him and his father. It was summer, so Roxas was out of school, but his father left at eight every morning to go work downtown in the local barber shop. Roxas wondered briefly if he'd notice Axel and his creepy sign. After his normal breakfast and normal conversation with his mother (during which he left out the subject of Axel and the end of the world so as not to worry her too much), he went into the living room to watch normal television.

This was normal.

At noon, his mother made him a normal lunch of sandwiches and milk and carrot sticks, which he ate normally. After lunch, his mother shooed him outside for fresh air, and while that was usually normal, this was where things began to unravel for Roxas in the normal section of life.

He walked down to eighth and main, the sun hot and unforgiving in the piercingly empty blue sky. He figured Axel must be as red as his hair by now, what with the pale skin the man had. As he approached the corner with Axel and the sign, he suddenly wished he'd stayed home.

A small crowd had gathered around Axel, young people and older people and confused people, all staring up at the redhead with some sort of skeptical rapture. He was gesturing wildly (skin as pale as ever, much to Roxas's surprise) and speaking quickly, and with purpose. Roxas sidled up next to one of his teachers to listen.

"And every time you turn on your television, it's just one more way for them to pull you deeper and deeper into total submission, complete nonresistance! They monitor our books, our programs, our radio stations, our music. What we talk about. What we think, write, see. Every part of it is noted and every day you're unknowingly conforming more and more to their sadistic will," Axel ranted, pausing to take a drink of water. Beads of sweat graced his forehead, nose, and neck. He glanced at Roxas, catching his eye for but a moment before returning his attention back to the crowd as a whole. "If we don't do something now, our world will most certainly end and it will end without our even knowing it, people! You have to speak out against the lies, stand up in the masses, create your visions before they get tramped into the ground and beaten out of you! You are sheep and you are being led by the devil in shepard's clothing! Cast off your woolen shackles and become a shepard yourself, and refuse to be silenced!"

The teacher standing next to Roxas shook her head and leaned towards him.

"I don't know what that man is thinking, spouting such hooey in a public place. I didn't think we'd ever get a crazy person like him around these parts. He's probably from some big city up north," she said disdainfully, just loud enough for Axel to hear if he chose to listen. "It's a good thing those northern queers don't last very long in good Christian towns such as these. You'd do well not to listen to his sinful words, Roxas."

And with that she marched away, her ankle length skirt swishing about her feet. Axel's rant hesitated for a moment as he noticed her leave, his hands held out in front of him like he was about to pick up a sub sandwich longways from both ends. After a second or so, he resumed his rant, but his gaze kept returning to Roxas. Roxas listened half-heartedly, his thoughts going back to what his teacher had said to him, and wondering what she'd meant by 'queer'. It was a word he'd heard only in passing, and as one hell of an insult at that, but looking at Axel, he couldn't find much to insult other than his almost obvious homelessness and heavy opinions.

After the teacher left, people began to file away more steadily, until Roxas and Axel were left standing there as the day went on around them as it normally did. People glanced at the sign or Axel and either ignored them or shook their heads and kept walking. Axel sighed and sat down next to his sign, draining the last of his water almost dejectedly. He looked up at Roxas.

"What're you still doin' here? You caught my drift, now you can go back to ignoring the truth like everyone else is," he said spitefully, turning his bitter glare to the concrete sidewalk. Roxas glanced around quickly, then took his advice and walked off, missing the incredulously hurt look Axel threw after him. He walked to his father's barber shop, and glanced back at the redhead, who was now playing with his empty water bottle morosely. Roxas rolled his eyes and opened the door, assaulted immediately with fresh, crisp, cool air. His father smiled at him from over the head of the pastor who lived down the street from them. Roxas smiled and nodded to them before heading to the break room in the very back. He grabbed three water bottles from the small fridge and headed back out to where Axel was sitting. Another glance around, and the blonde sat down next to Axel.

The redhead gazed at him in surprise, almost not realizing that the two water bottles being held out were for him. He took them and nodded his thanks before uncapping one and quickly draining half of the cool liquid.

"So…do you think the end of the world is coming?"

Axel rolled his head over to look at Roxas, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, Roxas, you've heard my argument. Do _you_?" He asked, and Roxas opened his own water bottle, taking a sip.

"Well…I don't know. When you said end of the world, I guess I pictured something more…" he trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Wrathful? More Judgment Day? More God, less government? Fiction, rather than facts?" Axel suggested. "Let me tell you something, Roxy. The "God" in this end is the government. The government is becoming God. We can't let that happen. Because the day that does is the day you as a free human being die."

Roxas blinked, letting that information sink in and trying not to clock Axel over the head for the nickname.

"And besides," Axel added absently, scratching his chin, "you're too cute to die."

Roxas blinked again, the word his teacher said suddenly coming back to him.

"Axel…"

The redhead grunted in affirmation.

"What does 'queer' mean?"

Axel froze, looking over at Roxas with confusion.

"How do you be this age and not know what that word means, kid?" He replied. Roxas shrugged and looked away. "You think you'd have learned in school, it's something they really throw around down here. Your teach really likes it, I can see that."

"She didn't mean it, if it was rude, she's just…" Roxas petered out in his lame defense. Axel grinned at him.

"If you have to add in the what ifs, then she sure as hell meant it. Don't worry, Roxy, it doesn't bother me anymore," Axel replied, waving his hands dismissively. "Queer, in the traditional sense, means strange. Odd. Unnatural. Nowadays it means you're gay, but hardly anyone uses it to mean that in a nice way. It's a slur, if you will."

Roxas drank some more water, all of a sudden feeling really uncomfortable.

"Was she right?"

Axel glanced at the blonde, then away ashamedly.

"Does that matter? And more importantly, does it have to?" He said awkwardly, and the uncomfortable feeling grew inside of Roxas. "I'm too old to be your friend, kid. Maybe it's best if you left this crazy coot to his scary predictions."

Roxas started to say something, but Axel cut him off.

"Thanks for the water, Roxas. If you see me tomorrow, send some people my way, would ya?"

Roxas paused, then stood.

"Sure," he replied quietly, and turned to walk away from the discomfort he was feeling, back to a life that was normal, and not so queer. He took a step and stopped.

"Hey…Axel?"

He looked over his shoulder at the redhead behind him, who'd stopped in mid-sip of water.

"What did you mean by maybe you'll save me?"


	2. Chapter 2

Dinner that night was anything but normal. Rather, it was the most awkward experience Roxas had ever had.

His father had definitely noticed Axel and his sign on his way to work today and had quite a few choice words to say about it. His mother agreed with small disdainful nods and tiny bites of her food. Roxas just pushed his corn about, too lost in what Axel had been saying earlier to really care what his parents were ranting about. Whatever they were saying surely couldn't rival the end of the world.

"…and he was just going on and on about this horrible fantasy, gibbering nonsense in every sentence! I can't believe the nerve of some people these days, you'd think the police would have arrested him by now," his father seethed, waving his fork around dangerously. "He's loitering and disturbing the peace!"

Axel had told him earlier what he'd meant by saving him and it was weighing heavily on the blonde's mind.

_"Well, kid, if you were up to it, and I mean really and fully into it, I could save you. Your world wouldn't end, and you'd be free. It's a big responsibility though and I only pick the people I think are worth saving. But don't worry about it, just run along. Life's too mean for you to know the truth."_

What did he mean by life was too mean? Roxas felt fairly certain he could take whatever Axel or life could dish out; he was, after all, the leading athlete at his school. He was tough. He could totally fight the end of the world, he could—

"I hope you're not going near that crazy man, Roxas," his father said suddenly, jerking Roxas out of his reverie. The teen just shrugged.

"He can't be that bad…can he? He's just sticking up for what he believes in, like what we do when we go to church," he replied quietly. His parents stared at him for a moment, the room going very quiet. His father cleared his throat.

"There's a difference between sticking up for your beliefs and being just plain messed up in the head, Roxas. That man is dangerous. He looks like the kind of guy who'd kidnap handsome kids like you and pull a mass shooting at a school. I want you to stay away from him, understand?"

Roxas slumped down in his chair, shoving his corn into his mashed potatoes morosely.

"Yeah."

. . .

Roxas laid in bed that night, awake with thoughts swirling through his mind. This was not normal. Usually he'd go to sleep the moment his head hit the pillow, but tonight he just couldn't, no matter how many times he flipped his pillow or readjusted his position.

Roxas had always been one to question the things around him, be it school or friends or church. His natural curiosity level was much higher than a normal teen's, which sometimes got him into some trouble. With this situation, it had the potential to get him into some nasty trouble, but Roxas still didn't buy that Axel was so dangerous as to kidnap him or shoot someone.

He sat up in bed suddenly. He could always ask Axel. There was never any harm in simple questions. He'd take his Boy Scouts knife with him, just in case his dad _was_ right, but he felt confident he wouldn't need it.

Slipping out of bed, he pulled a pair of jeans over his shorts and put his knife in the pocket. He unlocked his window and pushed it open quietly. He threw his shoes out first, making sure they went over the bush that sat in front of his window, then crawled out after them, not bothering to close his window. There wasn't anyone crazy in the town to be a thief, so people felt pretty comfortable leaving doors unlocked at night, and Roxas wanted to be sure he could get back in easily. He paused for a moment to make sure no one had heard him and to put on his shoes, then made his way to eighth street to find Axel.

. . .

It was a peaceful night, warm and welcoming. Crickets sang and the stars were bright in the dim light of the crescent moon. No one was awake but Roxas as the blonde walked down the empty sidewalks. He felt mildly unsettled by the stillness; the town didn't feel real to him without people roaming around. Unlike his early morning jogs, there was no promise of the soon breaching dawn, just hours more of quiet emptiness. It felt like a ghost town.

He got to eighth street, the night so quiet that he could actually hear the clicks of the lights as they changed on their automated system. _Click_ red, _click_ green, _click_ yellow, _click_ red. He watched it for a moment, thinking how the red of the light wasn't near as cool a shade as Axel's hair had been in the summer sun. Upon thinking such, he banished the thought from his mind, his teacher's words suddenly filling the space it left.

_Northern queers don't last very long in good Christian towns such as these._

Roxas, if he was being honest with himself (and he usually was), was actually fairly confused about the whole queer issue still. He'd heard the word gay thrown about at school and at church, but it was always accompanied by vehemence and shame, so he never dared to ask about it. The school didn't talk about it and his friends used it as a slur. He was slightly worried that it was something really terrible, and that was why Axel had been so evasive in his answers.

He walked over to where the sign was still propped up against the light pole, a pair of socked feet sticking out from one side and a head of spikey hair sticking out the other. Roxas paused next to a slumbering Axel, having completely blanked on the fact that of course the man was going to be asleep at this hour. He could come back during his morning jog, but that was so far away, and he was impatient. He didn't want to be rude though…

"Hey, Roxy, you make a habit of this?"

Roxas jumped, startled, as Axel spoke.

"I, uhm. Wow. Sorry to…to wake you…" Roxas said lamely, trying to think of a good excuse. Axel yawned loudly, cutting into the night's silence, and sat up with a groan.

"Man, it sucks to sleep on concrete," he complained, his voice scratchy with sleep. He cracked his neck, looking at Roxas expectantly. "Well, kid, you gonna tell me why you're watching me sleep at whatever hour it is? It ain't early enough for any morning jog yet, I know that."

Roxas fiddled with the hem of his tank top, still trying to think of a good answer, and surveying Axel as he looked now. He'd taken his hair out of the ponytail, the spikes even crazier now that they'd been freed, small ones framing his angular face and long, thick ones striking back, more porcupine-like than ever, falling down to his shoulder blades. He was wearing the same outfit, but had his shoes tied together and set near his head.

"I…couldn't sleep," he mumbled finally, crossing his arms across his chest. Axel grinned, leaning back on his arms.

"Couldn't sleep, huh. Why is that?" He replied slyly. Roxas stared at him for a moment, not answering.

"What are those marks on your face?" The blonde asked suddenly, leaning over to look more closely. They were deep purple upside down tear drops, almost black in the dim light from the streetlight eight feet over. Axel's grin widened and he leaned up slightly, quickly invading Roxas's personal space.

"They're tattoos. A buddy of mine did them for me when we got busted a year back and went to jail. Same cell, same crime, both proud as hell of it," he explained softly. Roxas's mind had muddled up somewhat, so it took him a moment to realize what Axel had said.

"You were in jail?" He asked, not moving. The red head tilted his head slightly.

"Yeah. Arson. Tried to burn down a court building. Didn't really work that well," he replied, laughing lightly.

"I didn't know they had tattoo guns in jail…"

Axel paused, and the two looked at each other awkwardly for a few seconds before Axel cleared his throat and both pulled away uncomfortably.

"It…uh, was a pretty botch job, but he did wonders with a sewing needle and a purple pen," the red head said. Roxas looked at him in shock.

"That'll give you diseases, Axel!" He protested, and Axel just waved him off.

"It was a year ago. If I'm not dead by now, I never will be. That stuff sets in pretty quick. But don't change the subject, kid."

Roxas sighed.

"I couldn't sleep and the conversation I had at dinner gave me some questions, so I came out here to get them answered," he said quietly. Axel pulled himself out from under the sign and stood, stretching his arms upward. Roxas once again found his eyes drawn to the sliver of skin that appeared, his cheeks flaring up as he glanced away.

"Well, I got all the answers in the world unless they have to do with hard math," Axel replied. "But let's take this party elsewhere, sit somewhere nicer than the sidewalk."

Roxas just nodded and watched as Axel lifted up the sign, balancing it on his head in a practiced manner. He turned to the blonde.

"My truck is parked outside of town and there's this really great gas station about a mile away. You mind the distance? I'll have you home before you turn into a pumpkin, I promise," he teased, winking. Roxas just stuck out his tongue.

"I don't care where we're at," he said. Axel smiled, and started off down the sidewalk, the blonde following him, the two of them exchanging small talk as they made their way out of town.


	3. Chapter 3

Axel's truck was a run down, old, rusty, bent out of shape piece of metal that looked like it'd already been through the end of the world. Axel tossed the sign face down into the bed of the truck and unlocked the driver's side door, jumping in and leaning over to unlock the passenger's door for Roxas. The blonde got into the truck, surprised it didn't cave in when he put pressure on the cracked leather seats. He was surprised it even started when Axel turned the key, but nevertheless the rusted monster roared to life and ran rather smoothly considering its condition. Axel pulled onto the road, looking at ease as he drove along to where Roxas supposed the gas station would be.

They hadn't been driving but a few minutes when Roxas realized this was most likely the kind of situation his father had warned him against. He suddenly felt very, very stupid and slightly scared.

"You're…not kidnapping me, are you?" Roxas asked uneasily, causing Axel to laugh loudly.

"Oh jeez, of course I'm not! Not unless you want me to, but that's a different story," he replied, amused. "I don't kidnap. Burn things when I get a little upset, but kids don't deserve to get taken. You got nothing to worry about Roxy, I'll get you back safe and sound, questions answered, worries put to rest."

Axel pulled into the small trucker's gas station, and Roxas relaxed slightly, now feeling stupid for not trusting the redhead. They parked and Roxas hopped out of the truck, watching rust dust sprinkle to the dirt ground when he slammed his door shut. Axel led the way into the station, motioning for Roxas to sit down as he walked toward the cash register.

Roxas sat down in a far booth that was unoccupied, glancing at the clock on the wall and seeing the time at one in the morning. He still wasn't tired and he was still roiling with questions to ask the red head.

Axel returned after a few minutes carrying two small cups of coffee and balancing a small box of donuts in one arm. He set down one of the cups in front of Roxas, then the donuts, then he sat himself down across from the blonde. Roxas sniffed the coffee experimentally as Axel took a big gulp of his.

"You never drink coffee before, Roxy?" He teased, and Roxas stuck out his tongue before taking a cautious sip.

"Not often and never gas station coffee," he replied snootily, taking a larger drink of the hot and bitter liquid. "And quit calling me Roxy, my name is Roxas."

Axel gulped down another mouthful of coffee before popping open the box of donuts and setting one in front of Roxas before taking one for himself.

"Nah, you need a nickname. You've got too serious of a face," the redhead replied, biting into the glazed pastry. Roxas pulled small pieces off of his, popping them into his mouth.

"So," Axel continued, his mouth half full, "you said you had questions."

Roxas nodded, not sure where to start. Axel waited patiently as the blonde gathered his thoughts.

"Why did you start doing this? Isn't it hard?"

Axel leaned back in the booth and pulled a pack of slightly squashed cigarettes from his back pocket.

"Yeah, it's hard," he said, tapping out a white stick and setting it between his lips as he fished in other pockets for a lighter. "Going from town to town, barely enough gas and food money, getting shot down almost every time I stand up and speak. It's hard to stay out of jail, partially because loitering and squatting is illegal in a lot of places and partially because in jail you get a bed that isn't in your truck and three square meals a day."

He paused to light his cigarette, inhaling and exhaling a cloud of grey smoke.

"But I wouldn't ever change it for the world, you know? Because that's what I'm trying to change-the world. This is about the only way I can do it with the way I am. I'd have to be a god to change things otherwise. So many people don't know and that's painful to me to be one of the few who know the truth."

"But how do you know the truth? What happened to get you to start doing this? The sign, the rant. You go to jail for it and you keep doing it," Roxas said, incredulous.

"I do it because people need to know before it's too late and they lose their humanity. I used to be like you, normal and bland and boring. Living day after day like I had an infinite number of them to live. Supported by my parents, friends as cracker plain as me, working on becoming a lawyer. Then halfway through college, I just… saw it. The truth. It was an epiphany and I took it by the face and decided I wasn't going to stand by and let it go," Axel replied, smoke pouring from his mouth in little billows. "I made a sign, told my parents I was leaving, bought a truck, and then I left. It's a never ending war between me and the rest of the world that doesn't know I'm trying to help it. I lost almost all of my friends except for two. They're out there together somewhere, spreading the word just like me. If I'm lucky, maybe they'll pass through your little town, they said when I called a week back that they were coming this way."

Roxas slouched slightly in his seat, his donut having been devoured sometime during Axel's explanation, struggling to process all of that in his mind.

"You gave up being a lawyer for this?" He asked, still somewhat in shock. Axel shrugged, taking a drink of his coffee.

"Why not? If I became a lawyer, I'd become a terrible person. A liar, which I'm not. A sheep, which I'm not. Wealthy, which I hate. It was all just going to add to the lie and I hate to lie, especially to myself," he said. "Maybe that makes me stupid, but I don't give a fuck. Someday, this will all go through and people will realize what people like me have been trying to tell them for the past god knows how many years."

Axel leaned forward onto the table, folding his arms and resting his weight on his elbows and forearms, the half smoked cigarette dangling from his lips, bouncing as he spoke.

"You got plans, Rox? Big plans? Goin' to college, gonna be a doctor or whatever? Buy a nice house, have a perfect family, go to church on Sundays and alternate Wednesdays? What are you doing after you graduate?"

Roxas didn't answer right away, thinking. He hadn't actually given much thought to that, figuring he would after his senior year of high school was over. He had time, didn't he? He'd always liked the idea of playing professional sports, and occasionally entertained the idea of becoming a coach for school teams.

"I…guess so. I know my parents want—"

Axel cut him off with frantic waving of his hands and shaking his head.

"I don't care what your parents want. What do _you_ want?" He stressed, gazing at Roxas. Roxas quailed slightly under the look, shrugging.

"I guess I don't know. Never gave it much thought," he mumbled. Axel sighed and shook his head.

"That's what's wrong with people these days, but that's also how it starts," he said. "One day, hopefully before you waste too much of your finite life, you'll figure it out. Don't waste your life on stupid shit like that, Roxas. A house, a family, 'adult problems', bills, government, society. It's all bullshit. All of it. A house will crumble, a family will move away, adult problems will drive you to madness, bills are worthless, government will fuck you over, and society will rape the remains. You need no one but yourself and maybe a few confidants. Don't let the lie tell you otherwise."

Roxas was silent, staring at Axel's green eyes as he took that in. His gaze moved down and he noticed that the tattoos were slightly crooked now that they were in the light, with small patchy areas where the ink didn't go deep enough into the skin.

"Axel…I know I asked this before, but I guess I still don't really understand it," he began slowly. Axel waited patiently, eyebrows raised, snubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray. "What's queer mean? Like, I know you told me, but I still don't…really get it."

Axel froze, a look of surprise on his face at the question. He cleared his throat and sat back, folding his arms across his chest.

"Well…so…okay, let me get this straight, no pun intended, but are you saying that you don't know what 'gay' means, either?" He said, giving Roxas an unreadable look. Roxas shook his head. "Oh jeez…how do I put this…Rox, usually people are straight, which means that boys love girls and vice versa, but gay…it means that boys love boys and girls love girls. They aren't any different from straight people, but there are a lot of people who think otherwise."

It was Roxas's turn to be surprised. If queer meant gay and gay meant…that, then…when Axel never gave him any sort of real answer when he'd asked him about it earlier…

It all clicked together in Roxas's mind, and he was very unsure how to react to it.

"Uhm…my parents…and the pastor…they always talk about it like it's something bad," he started softly, shrinking back slightly at the beginnings of hurt in Axel's expression. "But…if that's what you are…I don't think you're a bad person, necessarily. I just…never gave it any thought, either way…girls or…or boys."

Axel's hurt expression quickly turned to thoughtful.

"You mean to say you've just never given your own sexuality any thought at all?" He asked, absently playing with his empty coffee cup. Roxas sat for a few seconds before shrugging. "Not at all? Never had a crush on anyone?"

Roxas shook his head.

"I mean, everyone's real nice at school, the girls are…pretty, and I guess the boys…are alright, too, but…I just…" he struggled to clarify. Axel smiled softly.

"Just none caught your eye?"

Roxas returned the smile and nodded almost sheepishly.

"Well…you have all the time in the world for that…" The red head said quietly, looking down at the table. Roxas gazed at him in question.

"Have you ever had a crush on anyone, Axel?" He asked innocently, making the red head chuckle slightly.

"Not anyone I can be with, kid," he replied sadly.

"What do you mean by that?" Roxas pressed, curious.

Axel sighed and looked up at Roxas, their eyes locking pastel green to vivid blue.

"You're nowhere near legal age, Roxy."


	4. Chapter 4

**Short chapter, I apologize for that, it was a product of being up really late and smashing this out in half coherence XD that, and I'd have made it longer if that wasn't such a damn good place to stop. Thank you for the wonderful feedback I've been getting, you don't know how much it makes my life to know my fiction is enjoyed. So, without further ado, do enjoy~**

The ride back was quiet, to say the least.

Roxas hadn't replied right away when Axel told him he wasn't of legal age, thinking instantly that, of course he wasn't, he was only sixteen. Then it hit him that Axel was talking about something more than just being eighteen, and then it hit him harder that Axel was talking about that in response to his question about him ever having a crush on him. When he'd found the voice to reply, all he could think of to say was, "oh?"

And now they were on their way back, it being now two or so in the morning, close to being dead time, Roxas's least favorite time of day. He didn't want to go and try to sleep just yet, now having something completely different to occupy his mind about, dreading the drag that three in the morning always brought to non-sleeping people. But he wasn't really sure where to go from here, with what Axel had said and what that insinuated.

Roxas was not of legal age. Axel was a good few years over the legal limit. And somewhere, deep in the back of Roxas's mind, he didn't care and it didn't register that he should care. The forefront of his mind, however, was telling him that this was a strange situation that his parents and pastor and everyone he knew would think was absolutely terrible and evil in every way. It was an interesting battle, but one that wasn't getting anywhere as his mind just ran in circles with it all.

Axel hadn't said anything for the entirety of the trip, seeming extremely embarrassed at having confessed what he felt, not looking at Roxas (but still glancing at him if he thought the blonde wasn't paying attention). Roxas hadn't said anything because…what could he say? What was he supposed to say? What was the proper way to react in this sort of situation?

"If you tell me which street to drop you off on," Axel said suddenly and quietly, "I'll drop you off on the corner so a creep like me won't know where you live."

Roxas chewed the inside of his cheek, debating his answer.

"It's…fine," he replied. "I don't care if you know where I live. I'd only care if I thought you were a creep."

Axel sighed and turned into the small town.

"Roxas…you don't find it creepy at all that a twenty-three year old man that preaches about the end of the world has a crush on a sixteen year old that lives a clean, innocent, normal life? Hell, I'm the one who likes you and even I find it creepy," he ranted, sounding annoyed. Roxas didn't know if the annoyance was aimed at him or at Axel's own self. "Some part of me feels real bad about wanting to show you the truth, Rox, cuz that truth ain't pretty, it ain't innocent, and it can break people. Imagine your entire world crumbling and then starting completely over. That's what happens, and while it's a beautiful cleansing thing, maybe you're just better off staying naïve."

"Wait, did you really just call me naïve?" Roxas retorted, insulted. "I'm not stupid."

"I know you're not! Believe me, I know," Axel said, huffing. "You're a helluva lot smarter than anyone in this town. Intelligence has nothing to do with naivety. You didn't even know what gay was until ten minutes ago. That's naïve. But that means you're clean, unsullied. In a sense, you're perfect. It's not right of me to change that."

Roxas pouted and stared angrily out the window.

"Thirteen hundred, Checkered Drive," he grumbled. Axel turned wordlessly, searching for the street out of the whopping twenty in the town.

Axel pulled up to the humble house and shut off the engine, leaning his forehead on the steering wheel and sighing loudly.

"I'll be leaving here either tomorrow or the next day," he said, his head still down, his hair a strange silhouette against the streetlight. "I can't stay too long in places like this, because they either put me in jail or run me out. Or no one listens and I deem it a lost cause. I'd say come and see me, but it'll just be reiteration and pessimism. You're too good for that, and I'm bad for you. So I'd do yourself a favor and just walk away like everyone else does."

Roxas paused with his hand on the door handle. He had a sudden sinking feeling as Axel told him that he would be leaving soon, and he didn't really understand why he felt like that, but he did know that he didn't like it at all. He concluded that to stop the feeling would involve Axel staying.

"What if…I don't want to you to leave?" He near whispered, surprised to hear the words come out of his mouth. It sounded less strange in his head. Axel sat up, looking at Roxas.

"Those what ifs, Roxy…" he murmured, thoughtful. "What if I wanted you to leave with me?"

Roxas stayed silent, not really trusting anything else to come out of his mouth.

"Never mind, it's…nothing," Axel continued, after receiving no response, smiling sadly. "Don't worry about anything, okay? Everything will be normal. I promise."

Roxas opened the truck door, still lost in thought. All of a sudden, normal no longer seemed so nice and happy as it did before. Was this an epiphany? Maybe not yet, he thought. But he felt close, like it could happen. He just didn't know what it would be about. Who it would involve. How long it would take. What would come of it. He knew, somewhere, that he wanted it to involve this crazy preacher man.

But why?

There was nothing special about Axel. Nothing glamorous or extravagant. Nothing approvable by his parents' standards, and certainly not by his pastor's. He'd known the man a day and a night, not nearly enough for a close friendship to be established. So why in the world could he not come to terms with the fact that Axel was going to leave and never come back, off to tell the truth somewhere else with other people like his friends and family and other naïve (even though he was still pretty sure he wasn't) teenagers like him?

He thought of something then that he'd seen couples around town do, something that seemed strange yet natural to him, a display of affection that people looked like they enjoyed. He let the door swing open with a squeak, uncaring as he leaned over the bench seat and kissed Axel on the cheek, right over one of those splotchy, crooked, needle-and-pen tattoos.

He didn't wait for a reply or a reaction, simply slid out of the car and jogged around to the back of his house, climbing in through his still open bedroom window. It was several minutes before he heard the truck door close and Axel drive away. He laid in bed, smiling with a sort of giddiness that only comes with adrenaline at a late hour, still confused about the whys but not caring that it'd happened.

Roxas, the normal teen who'd never done anything crazy, had just kissed a man on the cheek.

And was smiling about it.

And figured he'd do it again if he got the chance.

As he drifted to sleep (after waiting out the shakes the coffee gave him), he thought to himself that if this was the way his world was supposed to crumble and start anew, then he was okay with that.


	5. Chapter 5

**One disclaimer before we start: The words to Roxas's "poem" are actually spoken verse lyrics to another Godspeed You! Black Emperor song, "Dead Flag Blues". It's a deep, dark, heavy, but hauntingly beautiful song that really fits the theme as well as "Providence" does, and I do recommend that you check it out if you're interested. However much I love it, though, it's not mine, and therefore I do not claim it to be. Enjoy~**

The meals at his house just kept getting more and more awkward.

When Roxas woke up the next morning (late, no less, because of how late he'd stayed up), his parents had already had breakfast and his dad had left for work. His mother kept giving him strange looks from her place at the counter as she prepared a lunch for his father. It was understandable, as he rarely slept late unless he'd been sick.

"Are you feeling alright, Roxas?" She asked, suspicious as he picked at a muffin that made him think of last night.

"Yeah, mom. I'm fine, I just couldn't sleep well last night," he replied. "Been thinking about…like, the future and stuff."

His mother turned to him with a disapproving look.

"I hope you haven't been listening to that crazy hobo down on the street corner," she chastised lightly. Roxas just ate more of his muffin. "Nothing good will come to that man, I'm sure of it. He seems like such a smart boy, too. It's a waste."

She smiled and swept the crumbs from his muffin off of the table.

"Not like you, of course. You're a very smart young man, Roxas, I know you'll use that to do something amazing. Why not become a doctor? You can live comfortably while you help people!"

Roxas swallowed his muffin and her statement all at once and almost choked.

"Um…maybe," he coughed out. "I'll think about it. Want me to run dad his lunch?"

His mother handed him the bag gratefully and shooed him out of the house.

"You're a dear, darling. Just stay away from that crazy man!" She said, waving farewell as he walked away from the house.

Roxas made his way down to his father's barber shop, pausing to see if Axel had drawn a crowd today. A few people were there, it looked like, but most everyone in the town had deemed him crazy and as someone to be avoided. The blonde almost felt bad for the redhead, putting himself out there every day only to be shot down by nearly everyone you talked to.

He went into the barber shop, setting the lunch in the back at his father's absentminded request and once again grabbing a bottle of water for Axel. It was hot again today and he didn't want him to get dehydrated because no one would be nice enough to help him. He went back outside with a wave to his father that went mostly unnoticed and went to wait for people to not be standing around Axel so he could give him the water without someone around who'd rat him out to his parents.

He didn't have to wait long and soon Axel was by himself, sweaty and annoyed looking. Roxas gazed at him for a moment from where he stood, not really sure what to say to Axel now that he was faced with actually talking to him. Last night's incident felt like a dream, and Roxas almost felt like it was, but he knew it hadn't been. He also knew that he'd been raised to face up to the consequences of his actions, hoping that what he'd done (he couldn't even think it now without blushing like an idiot) hadn't turned Axel on him in some strange way.

He walked up from behind the redhead, steeling himself.

"Here, I—"

"Holy SHIT, Rox!" Axel jumped and spun around to face the blonde. "You scared the fuck out of me, the hell you doin' sneakin' up on me? Thought you were the police…"

Roxas chuckled awkwardly and held out the bottle of water.

"Nah, just the water boy," he said, smiling. "I'm surprised the police haven't done anything yet, though."

Axel shrugged, taking the water bottle with a thankful smile.

"Eh, I'm not really doing anything wrong that they can pin down. Last night I spent the rest of the night in the bed of my truck outside of town, so I'm not squatting. And I'm not making a mess, being rude, forceful, or begging for money," he rattled off before taking a long swig. Roxas felt his eyes linger a little longer on Axel's neck than he thought they probably should, using all his willpower to drag them away as another strange thought like last night's entered his mind.

_I wonder what would happen if I kissed him there…_

"Roxas?"

His stomach twisted oddly at the thought, filling up with butterflies. What had gotten into him?

"Roxy?"

It was a tempting idea though, especially with the beads of sweat that trickled down Axel's pale skin. He wondered vaguely if it would taste different than his own sweat, if Axel would taste like the cigarettes he smoked, maybe, or maybe like truth…

"Rox!"

He snapped out of his thoughts suddenly, startled to find Axel only a few inches from his face, looking concerned.

"I'm…" He swallowed nervously. "I'm fine. Do you wanna go sit somewhere? There's a park with shade that no one really goes to."

Axel gave him a calculating look, not unlike the one his mother had given him that morning, but nodded all the same, grabbing his sign and putting it on top of his head like the night before.

"Just tell me which street it's on and I'll meet you there, I don't want people fucking with my sign," he said.

"It's on the end of my street," Roxas replied, smiling before he waved and took off toward said park as Axel took off presumably toward his truck.

Roxas didn't know what he'd do with Axel alone. He knew his thoughts weren't the most pure, but they were the most confusing for sure. He wanted to know what it all meant and it was starting to really bother him that he didn't.

The park was overgrown with weeds and creeping ivy. Most of the young children in the town had grown up and no longer had need for a park. It was a safe haven for Roxas, because there many little hiding holes he could put himself in if he was feeling upset or thoughtful. His favorite place was behind a sweeping curtain of honeysuckle vines as old as he was and older. They'd grown around the fence and the tunnel beside it, almost creating a room completely separated from the rest of the world. Roxas ducked inside and squatted down, staring at all the little things he'd drawn with sharpie marker when he was going through his rebellious stage, the poems written up the curving cement and violent proclamations of cussing written down the other side. He smiled, looking back on those times with an older mentality and feeling like maybe he should chastise himself.

"Damn, Roxy, didn't think you had it in you to cuss like that."

Roxas spun around on his feet, nearly throwing himself into the cement wall of the tunnel in surprise.

"Jeez, I guess I deserved that…" he mumbled, trying to hide a smile as Axel was almost bent in half to fit into the tunnel. The redhead dropped to his knees, looking at the black words that covered the walls.

"You know, Rox, you might be closer to the truth than you think," he said absentmindedly, his green eyes flickering as he read through a short stanza. Roxas leaned his back against the wall, watching the man.

"I guess…" He replied. "Those were just stupid poems from middle school. You know, when you think the whole world is against you and you hate everybody. They're lame."

Axel turned and gave the blonde another look, this one out of disbelief.

"You call this lame? This sounds like shit Dem writes in his protest songs," he said almost reverently. "Like, listen, '_We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine, and the machine is bleeding to death'. _That's some heavy shit, Roxas."

Roxas laughed out loud.

"Oh, that one! God, that was forever ago…" he said, amused and reminiscing. "I'd just got done watching some really depressing news report about something the President did. I didn't really get it, but I was depressed anyway and so I came here with my sharpie and, well, that's what happened."

The blonde got to his knees and shimmied over to where Axel sat, still staring at the old poem.

"_'It went like this, the buildings toppled in on themselves, mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble and pulled out their hair,_" he recited softly. "'_The skyline was beautiful on fire, all twisted metal stretching upwards, everything washed in a thin orange haze. I said…'"_

He trailed off, forgetting that he'd written the next part. He swallowed thickly as the atmosphere suddenly grew tense. Axel cleared his throat nervously, and continued the poem in a slightly shaking voice.

"'_I said, kiss me, you're beautiful…these are truly the last days…you grabbed my hand and we fell into it, like a daydream…or a fever…'"_

The silence that followed was nearly tangible and it weighed heavily on Roxas's tongue as he tried to keep his heart from exploding. Those words, when he'd written them, had meant nothing the many times he'd read them aloud to himself. To hear Axel speak them was something else entirely and it threw him somewhere he didn't recognize, where birds fought in his stomach and his legs felt weak and breathing was difficult. Thinking was difficult. Moving was difficult. But somehow, he managed.

He turned to face Axel slowly, everything else seeming fuzzy and dreamy. If he was dreaming, he'd punch himself when he woke up, but as Axel got closer and closer it was harder to dismiss what was happening as something surreal, something that wasn't actually happening.

Because then it was.

It wasn't a daydream that Axel's lips were pressed to his, wasn't a fever that was making his cheeks hot. It was very real even though his eyes had closed of their own accord and with one sense gone, all the others maxed out, and he could smell the stale smoke clinging to Axel's skin, taste the leftover film of a million cigarettes on his lips, hear the shaky breathing and unsteady beats of their hearts.

Roxas hadn't ever kissed another person on the lips before (as a very small child, yes, but these were completely different circumstances) and so it wasn't something he was well versed in. A good amount of shock played into it as well, causing Roxas to clam up slightly, frozen in place in surprise and confusion. Axel pulled away slightly, panting heavily and looking guilty.

"Oh, shit, Roxas…fuck, I'm sor—"

Roxas didn't give him time to finish, bringing his hands up and grabbing the front of Axel's ripped up tank top, pulling him back into another kiss. He decided that he enjoyed this immensely, not caring if anyone else saw or thought it was wrong. It was amazing and that was the end of it. Axel gave in, tilting his head slightly to one side to further press his lips into Roxas's. Roxas followed suit, unsure, trying to copy Axel's movements the best he could, his skin prickling and tingling all over. He felt the redhead open his mouth a bit and cautiously did the same, gasping as Axel slid his tongue into the blonde's mouth. He was still out of surprise for a moment, before hesitantly touching his tongue to Axel's in response.

This was bliss. So why was it wrong? Why did everyone he'd ever talked to condemn it? Did they not have this for themselves and were envious? This was like an answer to all the questions Roxas had had, but then the cause of so much more confusion.

Axel pulled away again, but slowly this time, pressing a chaste kiss to Roxas's lips once before looking him in the eye seriously.

"Roxas, I'm going to tell you something very important, and you must listen to me," he whispered hoarsely. The moment felt fragile, like one wrong thing would shatter it like glass. Roxas licked overly wet lips, tasting a faint trace of ash, and nodded. They were both still slightly out of breath.

"Rox, there are only two things that can happen now. You can leave, right now, and live a perfect life. Rich, amazing, full of innocent people and year after year of Christmas services at your church of choice. Two perfect children, a perfect wife, a perfect education, and a perfect job. You will never want for _anything_, do you hear me? You will have everything," Axel said, his words rushed. "You will be content forever and ever, but you won't ever see me again. I'll leave this town and never return. You'll forget about me completely and find someone who isn't a homeless law school dropout."

He took a deep breath that didn't look like it steadied him at all.

"Or…or you…you can leave all the lies behind and come with me. You know about the truth, Roxas. You've seen it, through rose tinted lenses, but you have seen it and you know it's there. You know there's pain and suffering in this world that's completely useless to have. You've known the truth for a long time, but you didn't realize it. You can come with me, and like the apocalyptic ideas that most people think I have, I will save you from this world of 'sin'."

Roxas stared at Axel, studying the contours of his face and the shakily drawn tattoos. Everything about this seemed shaky-the edges of the world, themselves, the future, this man, Roxas's own thoughts. Was he happy here? Would he be happy here? Would he get out of this…whatever it was, a loop, a circle, a channel, a dead end?

"What…happens if I leave…with you?" He asked quietly, unsure. Axel sighed.

"You have to leave just about everything you have. School. Family. Clothes. Electronic whatevers. Comfort. Stability," he replied. "None of this is easy. None of it. And believe me, you deserve easy, hell, you deserve more than easy. It's only my selfish heart that's even having any daring to ask this sort of hell of you. You'd have to keep low because you're a minor and you can get in serious trouble as well as I can for kidnapping and running away. We might go to jail a lot. You'll get disappointed and downhearted a lot. It's a terrible life…but at least it isn't a lie. The government knows that the people love the lie. They love the fantasy of stability and safety. The truth is that we have none of that. The government doesn't care about us at all. I'm proof of that. Where's my government, guarding my free speech when the police drag me off of a street corner for loitering and disturbing the peace? Where's my government when I can't eat for three nights because I'm flat ass broke? They say they help everyone, but that's a lie. You know it's a lie."

Axel leaned in close to Roxas so that their lips were almost touching again, but not quite. Roxas could feel his breath bouncing off of Axel's breath and vice versa, struggling to think with the man so close to him.

"The question you have to answer, Roxas, is if you want to live the lie."


	6. Chapter 6

**Mild warning: Okay, sex. Nothing crazy or detailed, as I don't really like getting into the nitty gritty of it all, but you definitely know it's happening. Consider yourselves duly warned. This starts out kind of sudden because originally, it was part of chapter five, but that made chapter five ridiculously long…and again, such wonderful places to stop. Keep a look out for more chapters as this finally comes to a close, this is not the end! I promise. Thank you all dearly for the follows, favorites, and reviews. It really has kept me on top of this story and it means so much to me. I apologize if any of it seems disjointed, I often write it very late at night (as this one is, at 3:17 a.m.). Enjoy~**

The blonde inhaled, then pushed forward to press his lips back to Axel's, already addicted to the rush it provided.

"How long do I get to think about it?" He mumbled against Axel's chapped lips. Axel hummed lightly, running a hand lightly through Roxas's hair, making the blonde teen shiver involuntarily.

"How about…how about this," he replied, punctuating his words with kisses that trailed closer to Roxas's neck each time. "I'm meeting up with those two friends I told you about in the morning, real early, just as the sun rises. If you want to stay in comfort and perfection, then sleep in. If you want to live and spread the truth, then meet me on the corner of Eighth and Main at sunrise. I'll take you with me. If you come, don't bring a phone. Don't bring anything bigger than a backpack. Comfortable clothes. A water bottle. Tiny things that won't weigh you down. Maybe a blanket. Money if you have any, for food. Don't tell your parents where you are or what's going on."

The redhead sighed against the junction of Roxas's neck and shoulder, eliciting another shudder.

"But don't you forget for a second that this is all your choice," he continued. "If you want to go back at any time, I won't stop you, but I'm not going to help you back. Do you understand?"

Roxas struggled to find his voice.

"Y-yeah. I understand," he said finally, pulling the tall redhead into a tight and sudden hug. The man hugged him back, long and lanky arms holding him protectively and just as tightly. Roxas was shaking inside, feeling so close to the redhead and yet they were still but strangers. It was too big of a decision to have to be made by sunrise, but there was no other way to make it.

His face was buried right against the same neck he'd been thinking about earlier that day, and he inhaled, the scent of salt and warm skin filling his sense. Cautiously, and not really thinking about what he was doing, he opened his mouth and bit down very lightly on Axel's neck.

The response was immediate.

Axel gasped, his grip on Roxas tightening in surprise. One thin hand tangled itself in blonde hair and pulled gently. It was Roxas's turn to gasp as Axel pulled his head to one side and returned the favor, biting down on nerves Roxas wasn't aware reacted that way in his neck. Shocks of pleasure zipped through his neck and fogged his mind, nearly losing himself completely as Axel dragged his tongue along the length of Roxas's neck and into his mouth for a sloppy, urgent kiss.

For the first time since they met, Roxas touched Axel's hair, running his fingers through the bright red spikes and pulling lightly. Axel groaned and pulled the blonde into his lap suddenly, the teen having to straddle the taller man. Axel ran his hands down Roxas's sides and into his back pockets, pulling the teen flush with his body, making the blonde squeak.

"Fuck, Roxy, look at what you've done to me…" Axel breathed against Roxas's lips, squeezing his ass through the teen's jeans. Roxas bit his lip and didn't answer as Axel rocked him forward. He was tingling all over, his jeans becoming uncomfortable, and it all felt too good to stop. It was new and it was strange and then it was just all Axel and…

Roxas didn't know how long he'd been lost in thought and fogged pleasure, but a small moan was pulled out of him as a sharp spike of electricity shot through his middle suddenly. He shuddered, quickly falling into a rhythm with Axel, the redhead sliding shaking hands out of his pockets and straight into his pants instead.

"A-Axel…" He could barely think straight, what was he trying to do by talking? It was only getting in the way of things, in the way of all the pleasure shooting upward into his throat. Axel paused and Roxas had to bite back a childish whine.

"Do you want me to stop?" The redhead mumbled, looking at Roxas worriedly. The blonde could only shake his head and pull Axel into a kiss, taking initiative and pushing his tongue into the other's mouth. Axel moaned into the kiss, returning it with fervor as he slid his hands forward to undo Roxas's checkered belt.

Roxas hadn't really considered the concept of true happiness before. He supposed there was a difference between happiness and pleasure, in that one was almost dirty and the other was something clean and innocent. What was happening wasn't clean (they were outside, for Chris'sakes and he was laying the ground, no less) and Roxas knew without a doubt, drowned in an overwhelming amount of pure feeling and the touch of Axel's tongue, that this was definitely not innocent. He supposed he should feel tainted. Angry? Upset? With the stakes mounting and his voice growing more and more high pitched with each breathy moan, Roxas didn't really care how the hell he was supposed to feel. He felt _good_ and that was good enough for him.

He sucked in another quick breath, his fingers tightening painfully in Axel's hair, his back arching slightly as he tried to keep himself from falling to pieces. His stomach felt tight and he suddenly felt a sense of urgency, an impending peak, and tensed.

Axel pulled up slowly, working rough fingers around Roxas.

"Relax," he ordered softly, his voice husky, just like the morning Roxas first saw him and talked to him. Roxas answered with nothing but a groan as Axel went down on him again, sucking hard.

With a small cry, Roxas came, his mind fuzzing into temporary static as his eyes unfocused and his head lolled back. His hand fell from Axel's head, his muscles relaxing limply as he came down from his high, breathing heavily.

Axel pushed himself up, swallowing hard and crawling up to hover over Roxas. The blonde looked at him questioningly as Axel looked like he was working his tongue about in his mouth.

"Wh…what're you doing?" He slurred out, feeling sleepy and sated. Axel just smiled down at him, nuzzling the blonde's nose with his own.

"It's…a weird taste. Acquired, but still strange," he replied softly. "Not really something one gets used to. Don't mind me though."

Roxas just smiled and wrapped his arms around Axel's torso, pulling him down on top of him. Axel laughed slightly, hugging back once before pulling away.

"It's gotten pretty late. You should go home before your parents get worried," the redhead said morosely, helping the teen become presentable again. The sun had begun to go down already, and it was nearly twilight in the town.

Roxas and Axel emerged from the tunnel, walking in silence until they go to a few houses down from Roxas's house. Axel sighed, then looked around cautiously before tugging Roxas into a tight embrace.

"Well, if this is good bye for good, I just want you to know that you have got all the potential I had and more," he murmured into the blonde's hair. "I'll never forget about you, Roxy, and I hope you can find the truth, even if for yourself and not me. I can't say I love you, that's way too queer, and I haven't known you that long. But I sure do dig you a lot, as Dem would say."

Roxas hugged Axel back, leaning forward on tip toes to press a quick, simple kiss to the man's lips, uncaring of who might be watching.

"I…dig you, too," he said, laughing as he fumbled around the unfamiliar words. "I'll let you know at sunrise if this is good bye or not. Thank you, Axel. For everything."

And with that, he left Axel on the sidewalk, jogging back to his house and inside without a single glance back, his mind working at top speed now that it wasn't preoccupied. Sunrise was still quite a ways away, and he'd need all the time he could get.


	7. Chapter 7

**And here we are in the last chapter of Providence. It has the potential to have an epilogue if I figure one out, but until then, this is the end. I'd like to thank everyone profusely for following these two on a crazy sort of ride and for leaving such wonderful reviews. You really don't know how much thorough feedback means to me. I really appreciate all you readers taking the time to go through this. Thank you to the ends of the earth, and I hope all of you find the truth you're meant to find.**

Roxas didn't sleep that night.

Dinner was a near silent affair. He gave sounds instead of answers and wouldn't look his parents in the eye. If he had, his voice may have cracked and he would have probably started to cry. The decision he had to make was weighing heavily on him mind as he drowned his worries in his glass of milk and played with his food idly, staring at the prongs of his stainless steel fork. He couldn't see his reflection in it, but what he could see were the tiny scratch of so many teeth and so many dinners. He thought, randomly, how bored this fork must be of its life. His parents weren't adventurous cooks-they didn't need to be. Nothing about this family was adventurous. Roxas didn't know if he hated that, but he had to figure it out pretty damn soon.

His life was leaving its own tiny scratches upon the barely reflective surface of his soul. He felt restless, and guilty, and confused. Could he really break out of… whatever this was? Hell? Normalcy? Comfort? Everything he'd known screamed stop. Everything he'd learned said go to bed like a good son, go to college like a good son, make the non-mistakes of a good son, create a life for yourself like a good son, marry a wife like a good son, be…

BE A GOOD SON.

Roxas cringed at his green beans, earning a strange look from his father.

"Roxas, is everything alright? You're quieter than usual," he asked, and Roxas just shrugged and nodded, using the fork that was like his soul (but really wasn't) to scoop those cringe worthy green beans into his mouth hurriedly so he wouldn't have to answer out loud. Or scream. Both would betray him and he just needed silence to think right now.

After the awkward dinner of strange looks and concerned airs, Roxas did the dishes as quickly as he could and retreated to his room. He left the light off, the filtered moonlight shining through his window like a weak-batteried flashlight. Sitting on his bed, he began to think.

What awaited him here? A degree, a sound job, a nice girlfriend (certainly not a boy of any sorts, considering the town), children. A comfortable house. Routine. Day after day being the same, a pleasant life with some obstacles that were small potatoes and easily chewed into something simple to swallow. He wouldn't choke on this kind of lifestyle, not on accident. It was baby food, spoon fed to him on silver that was always polished so he could see his reflection, upside down and warped like he didn't belong there. No scratches. Perfect and clean. Innocent?

Roxas sighed. No, he could never choke on such a lifestyle of liquid contentment on accident. It would be on purpose, and somehow he knew that it really would be. Twenty, thirty, fifty years down the road (the straight road, the road that never curved or hilled or curled) he would force that pleasant food down his windpipe and die, die of simplicity, die of sameness, die of prediction.

With Axel, the potatoes of the lifestyle would be large and raw, new and tough on the teeth, not cooked already for him to deal with. They'd take forever to chew to swallowing, flavorless and unbuttered, coated in the dirt of truth and lies and corruption. Once chewed, the swallowing wouldn't be easy either, gritty against the esophagus of his mind, sludging to sit heavily in the stomach of his entire being. It'd never leave him, it wasn't clean, it wasn't polished silver spoons; it was scratched dull forks tarnished with ages and the clack of so many teeth of troubles, it was hell, but in that it was beautiful, like a depiction of honesty and God.

Roxas sighed again, letting out a groan of frustration this time as well. Could he really just leave every single thing he'd ever known to follow someone and believe in something he'd only touched upon (with no pun intended) for all of two days? His parents and his school and his… his everything. Life as he knew it. His parents would be devastated, and he supposed he could write them.

Was that a terrible thing for him to think? That maybe your leaving, even though absolutely heartbreaking to what should be the two most important people in your life, could be justified by writing a simple _letter_ every now and again?

Roxas knew it should be, even though he felt it wasn't.

He looked at his clock and read one thirty. The sun was scheduled to rise at about five or so. He'd been thinking for quite a while, unrealizing of the passing time. He turned his gaze to his checkered backpack sitting on the floor next to his dresser, empty of schoolbooks and papers, sagging in its non-use. _At sixteen, not even an adult, am I really going to make this decision? _He thought, almost glaring at the backpack like he demanded it answer him.

He glanced at his feet, noticing absently that his shoes were still on.

At sixteen, he supposed he was.

Roxas forced every thought to the back of his mind except for what Axel had told him to bring. He stood, gathering two pairs of his newest jeans and two shirts that were nondescript and thick cotton that wouldn't fall apart easily. His winter coat and a thin camping blanket were folded tightly and placed at the bottom of his backpack. He'd keep the shoes on his feet. Money he'd saved from allowances he never spent went into his wallet and folded into one of the shirts. He grabbed two books; his copy of Brave New World and the hard backed journal he'd kept poetry in since those middle school concrete tunnel days, coupled with a few pencils and a small sharpener. A quick and quiet trip out to the kitchen filled a reusable water bottle to full and he tucked that into the side pocket. Out of vanity, he grabbed his hairbrush. The packing took him less than thirty minutes and left him with roughly three hours of waiting, be it here in his room he'd never see again or on the corner of eighth and main. Axel had said not to say anything, but as Roxas sat on his bed with his backpack surrounded by the products of his parent's care and concern, he felt that they deserved something like a note, at the very least. He grabbed a pencil and a piece of notebook paper from his desk, thinking very carefully before scrawling the words in his best handwriting.

It took him much longer than the packing did and by the time he was finished, he had to hurry and get to the corner before it was too late. He set his pencil cup on the paper so it wouldn't blow away and climbed out his window quietly, leaving it open. Material items, he figured, should quickly become useless to him if he was going to survive in this lifestyle of near nothing but truth.

_Dear mom and dad,_

He walked through the silent streets, the sky beginning to gray with dawn, the first birds waking up and letting out sleepy songs. The streetlamps were still lit, creating a limbo of night and day. He was reminded of all the times he jogged these streets, looked at that bush, talked to that neighbor. His past in a flash as he made his way quickly to the corner of eighth and main.

_I'm leaving. It'll be a shock to you, I'm sure, but trust me-it's more of a shock to me. I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think I was brave enough._

He heard the idling old red truck before he saw it, its grumbling engine carrying a block or so in the silence of the day birth. He quickened his already fast steps, nearly jogging to the corner where three men were gathered in and around the truck, only one of them familiar.

_I didn't think I'd be brave enough to find the truth. It's elusive, but there are people, like me, who grow up into a lie, a fallacy, and know instinctively that it's not real. I could never name that feeling of uneasiness, not in my poems or thoughts. God never told me, but I believe that He is guiding me into these decisions because he has chosen me to spread the truth._

He was rather out of breath when he reached the truck, panting as he tried to regain enough breath to alert the redhead (who had his back turned) of his presence. One of the men, a gangly thing with dirty blonde hair cut in a mullethawk and ocean green eyes caught the blonde's eye and smiled, a sparkling expression that was pure and almost uncomfortable in its unabashed-ness. He wore an old Black Flag t-shirt and was leaning over the side of the bed of the truck and conversing quietly with Axel. The other unfamiliar man was leaning against the truck next to Axel with his arms crossed casually. He looked at Roxas and put his finger to his lips and smiled as well, his expression more guarded and sly. He wore a patch over one eye and had an ugly, knotted scar that spanned his weathered face. Streaks of gray skunked through long black hair that ended in a hundred split ends. He wore holey jeans and a zipped up black hoodie.

"Dem, you're grinnin' like a dipshit for now reason. What's goin' on?" Axel said suddenly, leaning back away from the mulleted man.

"Oh, well, you know how much you like surprises…" the man replied, his voice boyish and slightly nasally. Axel must have given him a strange look, because he grabbed the redhead's shoulders with a huff and spun him around.

The look on Axel's face was enough to dispel every single doubt Roxas had about his choice. He smiled wide enough to display his gums and crinkle his eyes, his breath catching audibly as he looked like he was about to implode from happiness. It spilled over into Roxas, causing him to grin widely in return, his heart pounding painfully against his ribcage and birds to flit about in his stomach. With a single, long-legged stride, Axel was in front of him and then around him, hugging him with surprising strength.

_We ate of the tree of knowledge and were thrown out of Eden. We should return, because by all rights we are no more knowledgeable now than Adam and Eve were before they sinned. We've allowed a cleansing of the worst sort, a cleansing through men, not God, a cleansing that leaves us slave and not disciples. I want the truth of the tree, as it was meant to be told._

"You actually came," the redhead whispered excitedly in Roxas's ear. Roxas hugged him back tightly.

"Of course I did. I'm being thrown out of Eden, but it's more beautiful in the knowledge," replied Roxas. The man with the eyepatch looked at Roxas and whistled lowly.

"Heavy words for a youngster," he said, and Axel withdrew from the embrace. The man's voice had a slight coastal accent. "He'll be one hell of an addition, won't he?"

Axel just chuckled and opened the passenger side door with a squeak. Roxas climbed in, setting his backpack on the floor and watching the redhead almost saunter to the driver's seat. He got in gracefully, unlike the eyepatched man, who simply crawled into the bed of the truck with the dirty blonde.

_I cannot find such a truth in the life that awaits me if I stay here._

Axel pulled the truck out of idle and slid open the back window.

"Rox, that's Demyx with the Black Flag tee, and that's Xigbar with the patch. They're the two friends I was telling you about. Guys, this is Roxas, the kid I told you about," he said, and his friends waved. Roxas waved back shyly before fastening his seatbelt.

_Finding the truth will be hard and terrible. People won't like me and I doubt I'll like them. But I have to try._

"All right, guys," Axel crowed, pushing down the accelerator and almost flooring them out of the town. "Where to?"

_It's not your fault and please don't hate me for this. I hope one day you'll understand, and I promise to write as often as I can. I'll always appreciate everything you've done for me and you were the best parents anyone could ever hope for. _

"California!" Demyx shouted, thumping the side of the metal truck. "We'll sermon while we surf!"

_But I have to do this. For me, for this town._

"I second this motion," Xigbar agreed heartily, his long hair whipping about in the wind. "To the ocean!"

_For the world._

Axel honked his horn and fist pumped the air.

"To California it is then!"

He turned to Roxas and blew him a kiss, making the blonde laugh and blush.

_But most of all, don't you ever forget, that no matter what happens_

"You're gonna love California, Rox. It's beautiful and full of people ready for truth," Axel said over the wind blowing in through the open windows. "It'll blow your mind!"

The blonde looked forward as the sky turned from gray to purple to pink to mottled, a sliver of gold promising paradise gleaming underneath the murky confusion of color.

"It doesn't matter where I'll be, Axel," he replied. "I'll love it because I'll be with you."

_I love you._

_ Love, Roxas. _


End file.
